Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Storms, balls and the circus
The weather here in Fort Worth has been so erratic. Some days it's bright and sunny and others it's black and stormy. Recently we've has severe thunder storms and tornadoes pass through very close to us and this is causing huge pressure changes. Emily missed 2 days of school this week because her legs and hand hurt so much. Her RSD is on the move, her right arm hurt all the way to the top. We're coping ...
It'll be interesting to see how Emily does with our pool this year. She hated last summer, she had to learn to swim again because she had limited use of her leg. This year Emily's leg has almost all of its range of motion so that should help. I'm looking forward to school being out so that my children can be children. I don't know how it'll be with me working this year, we'll have to make the best of it. I would love to take the children away for a week but I doubt I'll be able to pull it off financially.
I took Tom to buy some new shoes this week. His old shoes were about ready to walk off without him so it was way past time. He hates shopping so I was greeted with the usual pout when I told him where we were going but he soon perked up when he pulled on his really cool new sneakers. Tom's routine has been the same since he was tiny LOL. He picks the shoes he loves and pulls them on then he bounces up and down along one isle of the store. He does a lap of honor round the shoe section just to make sure they make him run faster and finally he arrives back to me with a massive smile and says "yessssss these are the ones" LOL. I always let him wear them home, he bounces to the car like Tigger. The only slightly scary thing about our shoe shopping outing? His feet are now the same size as mine and he's only 10!! My baby is getting older, what size will his feet be when he's 18??? LOL
My week was hard but I have only tomorrow left and I get Sunday off. I had more energy this week and things were way more organised in the house. Working full time and juggling the 20 balls that I have in the air at one time is a challenge. Tonight as I type I feel like dropping all but 2 balls(Emily and Tom) and running away to the circus. Since I'm such a good juggler there must be a place for me.
Although this week was hard I count myself lucky that I have such wonderful friends. This week Karen put Flamingo's in my front garden which made me laugh so hard. Jody found a hula Flamingo which is fun just like she is and Tammi surprised me with my favorite drink, Diet Dr Pepper with vanilla from Sonic twice not to mention the many chocolaty treats that she bought to my work LOL They provided hugs and smiles and they made me feel like I can actually do this. I'm so VERY lucky to have such amazing people in my life, I feel really blessed to know each and every one of you.
Maybe I can keep these balls in the air after all ...
It'll be interesting to see how Emily does with our pool this year. She hated last summer, she had to learn to swim again because she had limited use of her leg. This year Emily's leg has almost all of its range of motion so that should help. I'm looking forward to school being out so that my children can be children. I don't know how it'll be with me working this year, we'll have to make the best of it. I would love to take the children away for a week but I doubt I'll be able to pull it off financially.
I took Tom to buy some new shoes this week. His old shoes were about ready to walk off without him so it was way past time. He hates shopping so I was greeted with the usual pout when I told him where we were going but he soon perked up when he pulled on his really cool new sneakers. Tom's routine has been the same since he was tiny LOL. He picks the shoes he loves and pulls them on then he bounces up and down along one isle of the store. He does a lap of honor round the shoe section just to make sure they make him run faster and finally he arrives back to me with a massive smile and says "yessssss these are the ones" LOL. I always let him wear them home, he bounces to the car like Tigger. The only slightly scary thing about our shoe shopping outing? His feet are now the same size as mine and he's only 10!! My baby is getting older, what size will his feet be when he's 18??? LOL
My week was hard but I have only tomorrow left and I get Sunday off. I had more energy this week and things were way more organised in the house. Working full time and juggling the 20 balls that I have in the air at one time is a challenge. Tonight as I type I feel like dropping all but 2 balls(Emily and Tom) and running away to the circus. Since I'm such a good juggler there must be a place for me.
Although this week was hard I count myself lucky that I have such wonderful friends. This week Karen put Flamingo's in my front garden which made me laugh so hard. Jody found a hula Flamingo which is fun just like she is and Tammi surprised me with my favorite drink, Diet Dr Pepper with vanilla from Sonic twice not to mention the many chocolaty treats that she bought to my work LOL They provided hugs and smiles and they made me feel like I can actually do this. I'm so VERY lucky to have such amazing people in my life, I feel really blessed to know each and every one of you.
Maybe I can keep these balls in the air after all ...
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Update
Emily has been back in school for a few weeks now. Roy, her home bound teacher has been trying to plough through the many pieces of outstanding work. He's such a nice man, he really tries so hard to help Emily. Emily returned to school for Math only but next week I'm putting her back for English too (although she doesn't know this yet) LOL
Kelly our PT made me laugh so much on Wednesday that it really helped carry me through the week. Physically Emily is doing fairly well although the constant weather changes have caused several flair ups. I've learned not to fuss to much and to drag her back up after a couple of days so that the flair doesn't go on for weeks. On Wednesday she fell ... she fell straight down from a standing position into a sitting position and really landed hard on her bottom. Thursday I went to wake her and she was asleep but her face had this look of agony on it so I opted not to wake her. Thursday was a rough day. RDS still hovers silently all around us no matter how much we try to ignore it.
Tom tried out for band and he will now be playing Trumpet next year LOL I plan to build a shed in my back garden so that he can practice LOL His last report card showed straight A's and yesterday he painted a friends hallway for $15 so for Tom life is good. I've been playing Frisbee golf with Tom everyday after school to give him some special time and this is paying off, he doesn't feel left out anymore.
My life continues to be a constant juggle. Every day's different but as always I strive to keep going and make the most of every second.
Kelly our PT made me laugh so much on Wednesday that it really helped carry me through the week. Physically Emily is doing fairly well although the constant weather changes have caused several flair ups. I've learned not to fuss to much and to drag her back up after a couple of days so that the flair doesn't go on for weeks. On Wednesday she fell ... she fell straight down from a standing position into a sitting position and really landed hard on her bottom. Thursday I went to wake her and she was asleep but her face had this look of agony on it so I opted not to wake her. Thursday was a rough day. RDS still hovers silently all around us no matter how much we try to ignore it.
Tom tried out for band and he will now be playing Trumpet next year LOL I plan to build a shed in my back garden so that he can practice LOL His last report card showed straight A's and yesterday he painted a friends hallway for $15 so for Tom life is good. I've been playing Frisbee golf with Tom everyday after school to give him some special time and this is paying off, he doesn't feel left out anymore.
My life continues to be a constant juggle. Every day's different but as always I strive to keep going and make the most of every second.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Stop, I want to get off
I can honestly say that I've hit some sort of wall LOL I've had it. I've had it with everything and I'm ready to get off this ride. Can someone please let me off???
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
My life ...
My day to day life has changed so much over the last 3 months. I now work close to 60 hours a week. I work round the corner from my house at a business we own so Emily and Tom can come with me. The financial stresses for the house and business fall firmly on my shoulders and this is so overwhelming. I have so many people screaming at me for large sums of money right now it just makes my head spin. This situation is just getting worse and worse and I see no end.
Emily's RSD hangs over my head like a huge concrete block. The pressure and hopelessness makes me feel panicked but those feelings have to stay locked inside.
Keeping Tom involved, happy and thriving is a challenge that takes time, energy and planning.
Emily can't stay focused on school work so she's slipping further and further behind, this is very worrying to me especially since I cant get the school to return my calls.
I need to prepare some legal papers but I just don't have time!!! This is really dumb!
Cooking healthy meals for my family has become difficult because I have no time and when I do get time I'm busy trying to organise and cope with the world. This bothers me.
I have a laundry mountain taller than my son and my floor looks like a barnyard. My garage is so full of junk you couldn't park a toy car in there let alone my focus and this makes me feel even more out of control.
My diet sucks and I can't organise myself well enough to make those changes that I need to make to stay healthy. This is also really dumb!
One of my dearest friends is struggling with her fathers illness and I wish I could split a very large bottle of wine with her. Unfortunately the ocean separates us.
Working full time would be fine if I were paid but right now I can't be so I work all these hours and still have to scrape for the bills to be paid. I really hate this. I hate the money issue in general, if that was off my head I'd feel 100lbs lighter.
Pete made an error with his home inspection business and I'm left to clear up the mess. If he'd listened to me in the beginning instead of being so freaking stubborn this error wouldn't have happened and this makes me feel angry.
A friend of a friend is threatening me with legal action because I did as she asked and re-homed a dog she'd found. She handed me the leash in front of a police officer so she's really insane but it's stress I don't need. I took the time to help her when as you can tell I really have no time and still I get shot in the foot. This makes me not trust people or want to be around anyone.
I feel angry towards Pete's family and my family for their lack of support, I'm fed up with always having to be the bigger person. I don't want to be the bigger person anymore, they should know better and I shouldn't have to feel bad about myself.
I have packages to get off to my dear friends in the UK as well as Birthday presents that remain unwrapped and undelivered to my little friends here, man I'm a failure!
Finally, it's 3:30 am and I'm sitting in my office typing this. I have to get up to get Tom off to school in less than 3 hours LOL On a positive note I have cleaned my kitchen, washed some clothes and updated my blog. I've unloaded my brain for a change so maybe now I'll sleep.
My urge to run away screaming is pretty high right now but hey, what can a girl do?
Emily's RSD hangs over my head like a huge concrete block. The pressure and hopelessness makes me feel panicked but those feelings have to stay locked inside.
Keeping Tom involved, happy and thriving is a challenge that takes time, energy and planning.
Emily can't stay focused on school work so she's slipping further and further behind, this is very worrying to me especially since I cant get the school to return my calls.
I need to prepare some legal papers but I just don't have time!!! This is really dumb!
Cooking healthy meals for my family has become difficult because I have no time and when I do get time I'm busy trying to organise and cope with the world. This bothers me.
I have a laundry mountain taller than my son and my floor looks like a barnyard. My garage is so full of junk you couldn't park a toy car in there let alone my focus and this makes me feel even more out of control.
My diet sucks and I can't organise myself well enough to make those changes that I need to make to stay healthy. This is also really dumb!
One of my dearest friends is struggling with her fathers illness and I wish I could split a very large bottle of wine with her. Unfortunately the ocean separates us.
Working full time would be fine if I were paid but right now I can't be so I work all these hours and still have to scrape for the bills to be paid. I really hate this. I hate the money issue in general, if that was off my head I'd feel 100lbs lighter.
Pete made an error with his home inspection business and I'm left to clear up the mess. If he'd listened to me in the beginning instead of being so freaking stubborn this error wouldn't have happened and this makes me feel angry.
A friend of a friend is threatening me with legal action because I did as she asked and re-homed a dog she'd found. She handed me the leash in front of a police officer so she's really insane but it's stress I don't need. I took the time to help her when as you can tell I really have no time and still I get shot in the foot. This makes me not trust people or want to be around anyone.
I feel angry towards Pete's family and my family for their lack of support, I'm fed up with always having to be the bigger person. I don't want to be the bigger person anymore, they should know better and I shouldn't have to feel bad about myself.
I have packages to get off to my dear friends in the UK as well as Birthday presents that remain unwrapped and undelivered to my little friends here, man I'm a failure!
Finally, it's 3:30 am and I'm sitting in my office typing this. I have to get up to get Tom off to school in less than 3 hours LOL On a positive note I have cleaned my kitchen, washed some clothes and updated my blog. I've unloaded my brain for a change so maybe now I'll sleep.
My urge to run away screaming is pretty high right now but hey, what can a girl do?
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