My life ...

My day to day life has changed so much over the last 3 months. I now work close to 60 hours a week. I work round the corner from my house at a business we own so Emily and Tom can come with me. The financial stresses for the house and business fall firmly on my shoulders and this is so overwhelming. I have so many people screaming at me for large sums of money right now it just makes my head spin. This situation is just getting worse and worse and I see no end.

Emily's RSD hangs over my head like a huge concrete block. The pressure and hopelessness makes me feel panicked but those feelings have to stay locked inside.

Keeping Tom involved, happy and thriving is a challenge that takes time, energy and planning.

Emily can't stay focused on school work so she's slipping further and further behind, this is very worrying to me especially since I cant get the school to return my calls.

I need to prepare some legal papers but I just don't have time!!! This is really dumb!

Cooking healthy meals for my family has become difficult because I have no time and when I do get time I'm busy trying to organise and cope with the world. This bothers me.

I have a laundry mountain taller than my son and my floor looks like a barnyard. My garage is so full of junk you couldn't park a toy car in there let alone my focus and this makes me feel even more out of control.

My diet sucks and I can't organise myself well enough to make those changes that I need to make to stay healthy. This is also really dumb!

One of my dearest friends is struggling with her fathers illness and I wish I could split a very large bottle of wine with her. Unfortunately the ocean separates us.

Working full time would be fine if I were paid but right now I can't be so I work all these hours and still have to scrape for the bills to be paid. I really hate this. I hate the money issue in general, if that was off my head I'd feel 100lbs lighter.

Pete made an error with his home inspection business and I'm left to clear up the mess. If he'd listened to me in the beginning instead of being so freaking stubborn this error wouldn't have happened and this makes me feel angry.

A friend of a friend is threatening me with legal action because I did as she asked and re-homed a dog she'd found. She handed me the leash in front of a police officer so she's really insane but it's stress I don't need. I took the time to help her when as you can tell I really have no time and still I get shot in the foot. This makes me not trust people or want to be around anyone.

I feel angry towards Pete's family and my family for their lack of support, I'm fed up with always having to be the bigger person. I don't want to be the bigger person anymore, they should know better and I shouldn't have to feel bad about myself.

I have packages to get off to my dear friends in the UK as well as Birthday presents that remain unwrapped and undelivered to my little friends here, man I'm a failure!

Finally, it's 3:30 am and I'm sitting in my office typing this. I have to get up to get Tom off to school in less than 3 hours LOL On a positive note I have cleaned my kitchen, washed some clothes and updated my blog. I've unloaded my brain for a change so maybe now I'll sleep.

My urge to run away screaming is pretty high right now but hey, what can a girl do?