A long day

Today we did the monthly round of hospital visits. It's such a long draining day. I've found Emily a new pain management team which is good but I had to go over everything from the beginning again and it's tiring. The pain management guy said that in his opinion Emily's pain was not at a 7 it was at a 4. So I explained that she's dealing with the pain so wont show it necessarily on the outside. Not sure he got it. After 7 months Emily does a great job of walking tall despite how she feels. It makes me proud everyday. The downside is that is that people can't see what I'm telling them so they dismiss it.

psychologists scare me!! I can remember being 7 and at a psychologists office because I was incontinent day and night. At 7 I had a stammer, bit my nails, was failing school and started to turn to food for comfort. My father told me as often that he could to "stop stammering, you sound retarded" or "go and wash, you smell" or my personal favorite "you're just lazy". My Mom meekly stood by witnessing this but being careful not to interfere. I know it wasn't the Oprah generation but how many red flags do you need??? As I sat in the shrinks office with my sister and parents I was aware of the stupidity of being there. At 7 I knew that this scenario was really screwed up. I was sitting next to a dolls house and I turned to look at it. At this point the scary man with the notepad told me that "I may play with the dolls if I wish". I reached for the first figure in front of me, it happened to be a small girl. As I picked her up I heard him say, there you are it's very clear, she's wetting because she's jealous of her sister LOL!! Later it was discovered that I had an abnormally small bladder which was malformed and didn't work properly, well who would have guessed!!? LOL I'm sure now you see why they scare me and I have to take Emily to one!! I babble about all kinds of weird and random stuff when I'm there because I'm nervous, it's terrible I'm sure they think I'm insane.

As part of her recovery Emily sees a neuro psychologist, they talk about ways to deal with the pain and this helps her cope. Being in constant pain does change you as a person and it's robbed Emily of a normal childhood. She's smart enough to see for herself so discussing it helps. I'm hoping as it intensifies that Emily will find more ways to move forward mentally healthily. I really want more for her than I had because my childhood was a mess. I try to see it as a stepping stone to who I am today and today, I'm a wonderful Mom. I absolutely cherish every second that I have with my children, I am extremely lucky :)