The Maze

Over the last 3 weeks Emily's toe nails have changed on her RSD foot (We call it Sarah) Gone are the cute little pink toenails she once had, in there place are thick nails that have a tinge on yellow. Under each nail is a small patch of infection that we are now treating with cream. Her foot has been so painful recently wearing a sock has become a problem.

No word from either the insurance company or the hospital regarding re-hab. I think we are still aiming for Friday but as yet I haven't had confirmation.

This is a little like a maze. In the center is recovery and all around the edge is a mass of winding paths that lead either forward or to a dead end. Which way do you go? Do we push rehab with the potential to make things worse. Do we push rehab and possibly make things better? Do we allow more surgery and potentially cure the hamstring or do we allow it and cause even more problems? We've been told botox "may" help free the top half of Emily's leg. Obviously my insurance company laughed when I presented the prescription so we're faced with purchasing a tiny bottle of botox every few months at $500 a go plus the cost of actually injecting it. We know that the muscle at the top of her leg is acting against the bottom half causing Emily's foot to point forward when she straightens her leg. We know she has foot drop and a tight hamstring.We know that she has major nerve damage in her left leg and that she has a numb area in her groin. We know she's in chronic pain, she's depressed, she rocks, she can't sleep, she has major mood swings and that she's way to young to be going through this. What we don't know is what is the correct path to take, who to trust and what to do next ...

A wise lady told me recently that she could detect that I felt a little overwhelmed" and I must admit that this is correct. I juggle my role as Mom to Emily and Tom, Wife to Pete, Business owner, cook, (Making healthy food for my family is important to me) cleaner, nurse, teacher, financial guru, office manager, physical therapist and friend. I'm also fighting an injury myself after a car accident 2 weeks ago where I got hit going at 35. Apparently, my doctor told me today that I have a rib out of place!! I told him that I didn't have time to have a rib out of place and he laughed. He made me promise not to have any stress, not to lift anything over a pound and to make sure that I don't sleep with my arm over my head. He doesn't realize that I have to lift a wheelchair in and out of my car. I have to lift my child in and out of the tub, I have more stress that can kill a small elephant and peaceful sleep is a thing of the past.

I'm laughing as I type this because the one thing that I know is that things could always be worse. I have 2 beautiful children and a husband who loves me. My sense of humor carries me a long way and when I falter I have friends who help lift me. I have the intoxicating mixture of soft jazz and coffee that is my local Starbucks. I have my dog Harry who never fails to show boundless enthusiasm to anything and everything around him. I'm going to find a way through the maze and I'm going to grow as a person while I'm doing it. Overwhelmed, I laugh in the face of overwhelmed :)